Testimony of Stassy Massey

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

That the first time I had sex, I would get pregnant.
That the "man" with whom I shared that first intimate moment would choose not to father his child.
That the "man" who seemed to know what was best would actually be encouraging me to make the most regretful decision of my life, as well as his.
That $300, the cost of my abortion, would not fix my problem, but instead would cause more emotional and physical trauma than I could possibly imagine...and would ultimately change my life forever.
That my choice was motivated by feelings of shock and fear, by my being self-seeking and irresponsible, and by worry about what my parents, friends, and family might think.
That there were people who would have loved to have adopted and cherished my child.
That there were agencies that would help me, if I had decided to parent or place my baby for adoption.
That my parents might have understood if I had told them I was pregnant.
Not to make a rash decision based on the influence of others…or on my university scholarship.
That my life didn’t have to stop because I was pregnant.
That other options were available.
That life is about choices, and this "pro-choice" decision I was making would result in a truly "poor choice."
That there was at least one person who would be willing to help me.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

That the abortion clinic’s staff would humiliate me.
That neither Planned Parenthood nor Family Planning would know the first thing about caring for their clients.
That the girl ahead of me in line would laugh the whole time, claiming her fifth abortion, and declaring, “It’s easy, not to worry."
That I could have gotten off of the table, when I realized I was making a horrific mistake.
That I could have changed my mind until the very last minute, no matter what the doctors or nurses told me.
That a part of my maternity would die on that table, right along with my child.
That I would feel more appalled with myself after the "procedure," as I was ushered out the clinic’s back door.
That people didn’t talk about these "kinds of things!" That after "it" was over, I wouldn’t be able to talk about it either.
That there would be so much physical and emotional pain involved...not just then, but twenty-three years later.
That I would lose a part of my dignity, self-love, and purpose in life.
That one day I would deeply regret this "choice.”

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

That I wasn’t God, and that He alone should determine life and death.
I Wish Someone Had Told Me...
That the emotions of grief, guilt, and shame would take over my life.
That for years I would wake up crying in the middle of the night.
That on each anniversary date of my abortion, and due date, I would feel numb and unable to move.
That due to the emotional pain of my "choice,” I would contemplate suicide twice.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

That a baby is always a gift and miracle.
That the description of my fetus being "just a blob of tissue," would be understood as dishonest when I graduated with degrees in Human/Child Development and Counseling Psychology.
That seven years later, the joy of seeing my son’s ultrasound pictures would be tainted by sorrow, knowing that I had terminated my first child’s life.
That the birth of my son would truly be a day of reckoning for me.
That my son's hugs and kisses, or hearing him say, "I love you, Mommy, more than all the houses, stars, and cars!" would mean more to me than I can possibly explain.
That my aborted child might have shared similar "endearments."
That two years into my marriage, my husband and I would be separated and seeing a marriage counselor.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

That while visiting a friend’s house, I would be a victim of non-consenting sex, when offered a ride home.
That I would get pregnant from that situation.
That I might be forced to choose abortion again, because those closest to me said I couldn’t bring another man's child into the world, while I was married to someone else.
That I would end up filing for divorce four years after my husband became involved with my best friend.
That the abortion didn't save my marriage, as others said it might.
That I'd end up losing both my baby and my husband.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

That I would later miscarry another pregnancy and never be able to have other children.
That I would have a partial-hysterectomy before I was forty years old.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

That following my hysterectomy my heart’s wound would re-open and ache even more for my lost babies.
That I would again weep for those children, even though I knew they were in Heaven.
That when I finally chose to admit my mistakes, I would be told, “Just forget about it." or "It was your choice."
That people wouldn’t let me talk about it, and would judge me. Even the friends/people who call themselves "Christians."

I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

That it would take the accepting hearts and compassion of a few select women/men to assist in my healing.
That I would eventually find others who had suffered in silence.
That I could go through a healing program in which God would release me from the shame, guilt, and grief that I had suffered for so many, many years.

I'm GLAD Someone Told Me...

That God had personally carried my children home to Heaven!
That He has wanted to comfort me!
That I could name my children, who are forever covered with His fingerprints!
That Dylan Conor, Dori Kalani and Danika Grace (miscarried) could be close to me in heart and soul, even here on Earth!
That the process of forgiving myself would be terribly painful and tearfully emotional, yet divinely possible!
That when I finally get to Heaven, Dylan, Dori and Dani won’t remember why I haven’t held them, hugged them, or kissed them!
That God’s grace would set me free!

I'm GLAD To Be Able To Tell You...

That God has allowed me to comfort others, as He comforted me and held my hand during my own recovery!
That I have been blessed to talk about my unborn children to high school and college students, to church congregations, at fund-raisers, during awareness campaigns, and to my own son!
That I honestly shared my own mistakes with my son, and that he committed his life to Christ, and to "life" itself!
That God truly is the most amazing, awesome, forgiving, loving Father any person could ever know!

I’m GLAD God Told Me...

- Stacy Massey

Dedicated to all of our children born unto Heaven. May they be covered in the fingerprints of God.